Alexi Bracey: Episode Transcript

This transcript follows the spoken episode and has been formatted for readability.

Episode Transcript

Alexi Bracey

The phone rang that Monday and I picked up the receiver and the voice at the other end said, you have cancer, we want to book you for your surgery. I remember vividly when I hung up the phone, I said, thank you. I knew in my heart of hearts I was going to beat it. I was cancer-free in a year's time. Over the years, I've helped many people on their journey. Not bounce back, I say bounce forward.

Heather Holt

Not back? Because sometimes there is no going back. The job is done. The home is gone. The body you trusted has changed. And the person standing on the other side of it all— well, they've changed too. For Alexi Bracey, resilience isn't about pretending those things didn't happen. It was about deciding what she does with them now. Welcome, I'm Heather Holt, and this is Change Happened, Then What? Where change becomes the story. Today I'm going to introduce you to Alexi Bracey, who has had many seasons of change in her life— cancer, divorce, housing instability, Car accident, and a debilitating injury that ended her career.

But when I talked with Alexi, I realized something. This isn't really a story about any one of those things. It's about what she kept doing afterwards. She kept finding ways to connect with people, sometimes with kindness, sometimes with food, and quite often— With a joke. Now, let's dive into Alexie's story.

Alexi Bracey

My parents were immigrants, so they didn't speak English. I didn't speak English until I started school. And, you know, we— they had immigrated to Canada after the war. You know, we had 3 or 4 families that we sort of chummed around with, so we certainly didn't have a huge network of community for support. And my mother was very much of a loner as well. So it was not a joint family. It was like everybody sort of did their own thing. I spent more time with my dad in the evenings because my mother worked evenings herself.

And so, you know, he taught me how to appreciate the fine arts, whether it was music or— actually, he taught me how to dance the tango, believe it or not, in the kitchen when I was, I don't know, 12 years old, 14 years old, whatever, because he really likes music. And so I sort of would occupy myself, play by myself, because I was an only child. I didn't have any relatives. They were all behind communist bars on the other side of the world.

Heather Holt

There is something fantastical about that image, a little girl learning the tango with her dad in the kitchen. Because before resilience became a word Alexie would use to describe herself, there were already things being built: independence, curiosity, a drive, and the ability to make something out of whatever was available.

Alexi Bracey

So I guess that sort of became my strength. I would entertain myself, do little things. I was very driven. Like, I won— I sold the most donuts in school, in grade school. I sold the most chocolate bars in high school. And then I started A cake decorating course, and I started making cakes for people for birthdays, anniversaries, whatever, and Easter bunnies. And from my apartment— I worked at a hospital at the time, I was a lab technologist— I would rush home during coffee breaks or lunchtime to melt chocolate. And I made— through one Easter season, I used 500 pounds of chocolate working out of my kitchen in an apartment.

I had employees from all over the hospital coming to see me in the lab to order their chocolate Easter bunnies. So it was— I sort of bounced around and just dabbled in stuff and, you know, food became really—

Heather Holt

500 pounds of chocolate out of an apartment kitchen. I think it's fair to say Alexi didn't exactly ease her way into entrepreneurship. Food became important. Eventually, she would own a catering company and work professionally as a chef. But there were other changes along the way, including becoming a single mother.

Alexi Bracey

When I divorced with a 10-month daughter in tow, you know, I survived. I lived in another town and I had to commute to go to work to the city where I was. I just learned to bounce. I'd say probably somehow it was innate. If, you know, like I said before, if there is such a thing, I just never second-guessed myself. You know, sometimes, you know, there have been occasions where maybe I felt a little sorry for myself, but I always bounced back.

Heather Holt

At this point in Alexi's life, that was resilience. Keep moving, keep figuring out the next thing, and trust that somehow you will get through it. And then—

Alexi Bracey

The phone rang that Monday, and, uh, I picked up the receiver, and the voice at the other end said, you have cancer. We want to book you for your surgery.

Heather Holt

She was diagnosed with uterine cancer. She made her own decisions about how she wanted to respond to that diagnosis. Those decisions are part of Alexi's personal experience, but what matters to this story is what happened inside her when she heard those words.

Alexi Bracey

I remember vividly when I hung up the phone, And said, thank you. I knew in my heart of hearts I was gonna beat it. There was no way. I didn't know how, but that voice in my head said, you're gonna beat it. And so without medical intervention, a few lifestyle changes, I was cancer-free in a year's time. It was a no-brainer for me in that capacity. I never doubted myself once. I just knew I was gonna beat it. Over the years, I've helped many people on their journey.

Heather Holt

She didn't know how, but she had decided something about herself. She was going forward. And then life gave another test of exactly what that meant.

Alexi Bracey

When I was homeless, I ended up moving numerous times. I slept on couches for part of that. I, um, Didn't have wheels for part of that, which made it more challenging.

Heather Holt

Couches, uncertainty, not knowing where the next place would be. And eventually, a friend Alexia had known for more than 30 years offered her a place to stay. Well, sort of.

Alexi Bracey

You know, I didn't know from week to week where the next pillow was going to be that I was going to lay my head on. And then a friend invited me to stay at his place, sort of. He had a barn that had not been used in like 10 years. He and his wife set up a tent in the barn. I slept on an air mattress, and I had no running water nor indoor plumbing. You know, it's— you know, the resilience sort of comes down a little bit to how much you will tolerate based on your self-worth. Mm-hmm.

Heather Holt

There it is. Not the cancer diagnosis, not 6 moves, not even sleeping in a tent inside a barn. The question underneath all of it was, how much are you willing to tolerate? And what does the answer say about what you believe you are worthy of?

Alexi Bracey

You know, I only stayed there a couple months. I had somebody else that rescued me out of there.

Heather Holt

That changes the meaning of resilience, because staying isn't always strength. Enduring one more thing isn't always strength. Sometimes resilience is leaving, and sometimes it's recognizing that surviving somewhere doesn't mean you have to keep living there. And she did leave, but She didn't want to carry everyone who had hurt her or disappointed her with her.

Alexi Bracey

You know, I mean, I don't have any ill feelings against anybody. I have forgiven everybody. That's really key in my life. But I feel sorry for them that they have to resort to such tactics, treating another human being in that fashion. But our world is filled with things like that. That's why I like to bring the joy and the happiness to people's lives. But we need the skills to To overcome, to not bounce back, I say bounce forward.

Heather Holt

Bounce forward. It keeps coming back to those 2 words because bouncing back assumes the goal is to return to where you started. Alexi doesn't believe that's the point. And eventually she had another reason not to look backward. Just as COVID was beginning, Alexi was in a car accident.

Alexi Bracey

The only thing I remember from the accident was my head sort of swirling back and forth like so. But I couldn't go to the hospital. I didn't want to go to the hospital because I had my 2 dogs with me. And so it impacted my balance. And 2 weeks later, I was working as a chef at a nursing home. And I fell and I broke my femur. So that ended my chef career.

Heather Holt

The career that had grown from cakes and chocolate in an apartment kitchen, the catering business she once thought she'd run until the cows came home, done, finished. And once again, she had to decide what forward looked like when going backwards wasn't available.

Alexi Bracey

Somebody was tapping me on the shoulder saying, enough as a chef, I've got something better for you.

Heather Holt

From my conversation with her, that is so Alexi. She doesn't spend much time asking why the old door closed. She starts looking around for the next door, and eventually the thing she had been doing almost instinctively for years became a part of that answer: making people smile. We'll be right back. Here's a little something from our friends at Pure Energy Apothecary. I don't know about you, but some days my idea of self-care is remembering to drink water before my third cup of coffee, because apparently coffee doesn't count as an entire wellness plan. Who knew?

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Sometimes it was just a joke, and she traces some of that back to her years working at remote fishing lodges in northern Canada.

Alexi Bracey

When I worked at remote fishing lodges across northern Canada, I was at one lodge for 4 summers, and 90% of the guests were repeats. These fishermen were now bringing their grandsons, and so During dinnertime, I'm not going to talk to them about fishing, so I started telling jokes. And so when I came back the next year, they, they saw me and they said, Alexi, do you have jokes? So I started accumulating jokes, and everywhere I go, any opportunity I have just to put a smile on somebody's face, because, you know, laughter increases longevity, it lowers cortisol, it raises serotonin and dopamine. And everybody can use a bit of a joke no matter what you're going through.

Heather Holt

I had to ask her to give me one of those jokes, and here's what she shared.

Alexi Bracey

Billy Graham gets off the plane after his speaking tour, and his limo driver is waiting to take him home. And so he says to the limo driver, he says, you know, I've never driven a limo before. Do you think I could drive it for a while? And the driver says, yeah, no problem. So the children get in the limo, they're bombing down the highway, and Billy's doing 50, 60, and 70. Well, lo and behold, a state trooper spots him, stops the car, and when he approaches the car and Billy rolls the windows down, he does a double take and he says, excuse me for a minute. And so he goes back to his cruiser, he calls his supervisor, and he says, you know, there's always different circumstances on when

we give tickets, and I've got this I'm here with this really important person and I don't know what to do. And the supervisor says, so is it a dignitary? He says, no, more important. He says, is it the president? He says, no, more important. He says, well then who is it? He says, well, I think it's Jesus because Billy Graham is his chauffeur.

Heather Holt

Okay, I laughed, which I suppose proves her point. Underneath Alexi's jokes is something Much more serious. She pays attention to people— the person holding the door, the stranger walking by, the neighbor in the hallway— someone who might need one small moment of connection. And sometimes she never knows what that moment did until one day while walking her dogs.

Alexi Bracey

And I noticed a young man standing on the corner having a cigarette. He had come from the Philippines to look after his brother who was suffering from cancer. I became sort of like his Canadian aunt. And then one day he said to me that his brother had passed and would I come to the funeral reception. And so when I arrived at the funeral home, there were about 30 Filipino women kneeling in the chapel. I made my way up to my friend, and he explained that they were waiting to make arrangements to ship the body back to the Philippines so their mother could be there for burial. So we exchanged a few words and I left. Several weeks later, I'm walking down the street

and a young Filipino woman approaches me and she says, were you at so-and-so's funeral a few weeks ago? I said, yes, I was. She says—

woman on the street

You have no idea. How much your presence there impacted our community.

Alexi Bracey

It's something I will take to my grave. It so touched my heart. Like I said, you never know how some small act can really make a profound impact on someone.

Heather Holt

Alexi hadn't gone there to make an impact. She went because somebody she knew was grieving. And she showed up. That's all. And someone remembered. Maybe that's part of what happened after everything Alexi has survived. The big things taught her to pay attention to the small ones. Today she lives in a senior community, she'll tell you pretty quickly that retirement isn't exactly her style. She still speaks, mentors, and she still writes. Most of all, she still leaves little pieces of herself around the building, and sometimes quite literally.

Alexi Bracey

They all know I'm the person that tells jokes, you know, and so when they see me, okay, you know, Alexie, what's your joke for today? And You know, sometimes I'll post a quote on the board in the foyer, and it's always something to do with kindness or gratitude or, you know, something motivational. And they all know it's from me. You can never really know the true impact you have on those around you. You never know how much someone needed that smile you gave them. You never know how much your kindness turned someone's life around. You never know how much someone needed that long hug or deep talk. So don't wait to be kind, just be kind, because you never know how much someone

needs it. So, you know, I'm dropping little things like this, you know, whether it was for Valentine's Day or for Christmas or Easter, like these little posters. Or, you know, I also make these heart-shaped bite-sized chocolate macaroon and the other one is a cashew truffle. I've got a little sticker that says Happiness Matters. So I'm always doing like these little things everywhere I go, and people know me for these certain little things. That doesn't necessarily mean they comment on it, but they'll, they'll give me a smile and I know they appreciate it. Not everybody, but that's okay.

Heather Holt

Not everybody, but that's okay. Maybe That's another piece of bouncing forward too. You stop needing every person to respond. Stop measuring the value of what you give by whether somebody applauds. You give it because it reflects who you've become.

Alexi Bracey

Yeah, I still, I'm, you know, speaking on stages and doing a little bit of mentoring. And then I have several newsletters that I publish on Social media pretty much every day. And I'm looking to start a women's group for support because my work is really heart-focused. You know, it's— yeah, I still like what I'm doing. You know, I'd like to speak more. And, you know, because I approach resilience from an emotional standpoint, not a scientific background. You know, it's— I've lived it. I've walked it. I've seen it.

Heather Holt

I've lived it. I've walked it. I've seen it. There is a difference between telling someone that life will be okay and sitting across from someone who has had to find out what okay means more than once. Alexi doesn't have the same life she started with. Not the same career. She isn't even living where she once imagined she would. She's been sick, Lost stability, and has had to start over again more than once. But listen to what she talks about now. A joke, a note, a chocolate, showing up for a friend.

Small things, portable things, things you can still give when life has taken some of the bigger things away. Maybe becoming the light doesn't always look like some enormous transformation. Maybe it's just deciding sometimes that whatever happened to you will not be the only thing you hand to the next person. So I asked Alexi before we wrapped up our conversation, What keeps you smiling today?

Alexi Bracey

Sharing a joke with somebody.

Heather Holt

Well, that answer could not possibly be more Alexi. And I asked her if she had one piece of wisdom to give to everybody listening, what would it be?

Alexi Bracey

Start every single day with a self-hug. Absolutely very important. Very important.

Heather Holt

Because I was a little curious to know Whether she meant that literally or metaphorically, I asked her.

Alexi Bracey

Look at yourself in the mirror if you can, and cross your arms, cross your shoulders, make eye contact, and say to yourself whatever your favorite affirmation is.

Heather Holt

Alexi, thank you for sharing your story with us and reminding us that resilience doesn't always have to look heroic. Sometimes it's getting up again, walking away from something you never should have had to tolerate, or finding a new purpose when the old one is no longer available. And sometimes it's as simple as making a stranger laugh. You can learn more about Alexi and find the resources connected to her story at changehappenedpodcast.com. And don't forget to follow the show so you don't miss this Friday's Smile Drop or next Tuesday's episode, Beyond Everything Is Love, where we'll hear about the moment that changed her life.

woman on the street

So may the rest of your day bring smiles to your face and joy to your heart.

Heather Holt

I keep thinking about that woman who stopped Alexei on the street. She had gone to a funeral, paid her respects, and gone home. And as far as she knew, that was the end of it. But someone had noticed. Someone remembered. And weeks later, that person made sure she knew that simply being there had mattered. Most of us will probably never get that conversation. We'll hold a door, we'll send a text, make somebody laugh, or sit beside someone when there isn't anything useful to say. And we'll probably never know what happened after we walked away. But do we really need to know?

Alexi calls it bouncing forward, and maybe part of that is realizing we don't have to wait until our own lives are completely put back together before we have something worth giving. Change Happened, Then What? is written, edited, and produced by me, Heather Holt, at Holt Hill Studios, with supervision and multiple interruptions from Waylon and Dalton. Until next week, change happened, then what?

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